archy

If thy hand offend thee…
Those bad Canadians are making fun of the Marriage Amendment.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Rep. Marilyn Musgrave, author of the Federal Marriage Amendment, plans to introduce companion legislation in Congress called the Federal Right-Handed Amendment in the near future.

"For too long, honest Americans have let left-handed people run roughshod over the majority, the right-thinking, right-handed Americans," said Musgrave, a Colorado Republican. "For instance, many of our public schools have been forced to waste precious funds on special left-handed desks. And left-handed people are always trying to trick us in baseball by batting from the wrong side of the plate."

Furthermore, the Bible itself contains more than 100 favorable references to the right hand and more than 20 unfavorable references to the left hand, Musgrave added. "Everyone knows that the left side is evil and the side of the Devil, while the right side is blessed by God and Jesus Christ," she said. "It's time we put an end to coddling these wicked left-handers."

The amendment would ban federal benefits such as Social Security, Medicaid, and Medicare to Americans who "write, eat, bat, or do any major activity" with their left hand. People who are seen in public violating the law could also face arrest and up to a $10,000 fine and six months in prison.
[...]
According to a recent ABC News/Washington Post poll, 58 percent of Americans opposed a Constitutional amendment making it illegal to be left-handed. Some 30 percent supported the measure, while 10 percent were undecided and 2 percent "just don't care."

But a recent Fox News/Washington Times poll found that 110 percent of Americans supported the amendment and minus-10 percent opposed it. The "just don't care" option was not allowed in that poll, leading some experts to question its scientific validity.

There is more. Obviously these so-called “Canadians,” as they like to fashion themselves, are a dangerous terrorist fifth column on our continent even worse than unionized teachers. When will Bush and Ashcroft finally put an end to this horror.