Jindal birth certificate watch - day 217

More than seven months have passed since I asked Bobby Jindal to come clean with the American people and show us the real, authentic, notarized, vault copy of his birth certificate. It's a simple request. He has the power to end the rumors and speculation (by other people, not me) that swirl around this issue. Why is avoiding the issue? what does he have to hide? Why is he hiding it and where has he hid it? Since I exposed this sordid mystery, Dom DeLuise, Michael Jackson, Oscar Mayer (yes, that Oscar Mayer), Sybil (the Prime Minister's cat), and the number three guy in the Taliban have all died. How many more bodies must pile up on the Jindal death list before we know the truth?

If you care about truth, justice, and apple pie, send me lots of money so I can continue my hard hitting investigative work and stay one step ahead of the Illuminati assassins who want to make sure that the truth never gets out.

How old is Grandpa???

A friend of ours is a hardcore e-mail forwarder. Today she sent us this gem. It's called How old is Grandpa???. The punchline is that Grandpa is only fifty-nine. Someone fifty-nine today was born in 1950. I've abridged things a little, but this the truth about that e-mail.

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.

The Grandfather replied, 'Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:

• television (not true, invented by Philo Farnsworth in 1927 and the first networks began broadcasting right after the war)
  
• penicillin (not true, discovered by Alexander Fleming in 1928 and widly available for Allied troops during the war)
  
• polio shots (somewhat true, the Salk vaccine was first tested on humans in 1952, so although it wasn't invented when grandpa was born, he was vaccinated by the third grade)
  
• frozen foods (not true, freezing food is thousands of years old and the first frozen meals were manufactured for the airlines in 1944)
  
• Xerox (barely true, xerography was patented by the Haloid company in 1942, but they didn't change their name to Xerox until 1958)
  
• contact lenses (not true, several scientists experimented with contact lenses during the 19th century and German lens makers were making useable contacts before 1890)
  
• Frisbees (barely true, kids have tossed pie pans as long as there have been pie pans, Captain America was beaning Nazis with his shield during WWII, toy companies started marketing plastic throwing disks in the late forties, but Wham-o didn't name their disc Frisbee until 1957)
  
• the pill (true)
  
• credit cards (true)
  
• laser beams (true)
  
• ball-point pens (not true, different types of dry ink pens were sold through the first half of the twentieth century and the completly modern ball point was available before WWII)
  
• panty hose (true)
  
• air conditioners (not true, air conditioners were invented along with refrigeration, it was used in offices before WWI and was part of the home building boom that came after WWII)
  
• dishwashers (not true, also invented before WWI and common during the post war boom)
  
• clothes dryers (not true, same as the last two)
  
• man hadn't yet walked on the moon (true)

We hadn't heard of:

• FM radios (not true, the first FM station began broadcasting in 1937)
  
• tape decks (maybe true, magnetic tape recording was developed in the thirties, reel to reel recorders became common in the fifties, but the cassette wasn't invented until 1963. So it's only true if by tape deck, grandpa means cassette player)
  
• CDs (true)
  
• electric typewriters (not true, Edison invented the electric typewriter and IBM introduced their first model in 1935)
  
• yogurt (depends where you lived or what your ethnic background was)
  
• guys wearing earrings (not even pirates?)

Your Grandmother and I got married first ... and then lived together. (probably true)

Every family had a father and a mother. (not true, almost every sit-com (and Bonanza) on television in the sixties featured single parents)

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, 'Sir' And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir.' (the prevalence of "Sir" depends on where you lived. This was definitely true in the South but varied elsewhere. In the parts of the West where I grew up, it was more common to say "Mister fill-in-the-blank" and to use the title of people who had titles)

We were before queer-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, day-care centers, and group therapy. (mostly true. Though if grandpa still says "queer-rights," he's an asshole)

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums. (Blah blah blah. This is so much nostalgic twaddle. Maybe grandpa lived this way and maybe he didn't. In any case, life was never that simplistically black and white)

We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios. (not true, grandpa listened to the Beach Boys, The Beatles, and Janis Joplin)

And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey. (That's because you were too young to remember Tommy Dorsey's heyday)

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk. (true)

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of. (not true, 1958, 1955 (or 1940), and before WWII)

We had 5 & 10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.(true)

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. (not true, they cost a dime and street cars were mostly gone before Grandpa was born)

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards. (not true after 1951)

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600 ... but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon. (not true, a 1953 Bel Air sold for $1700. When gas was 11 cents, it was the inflation adjusted equivalent of three dollars a gallon.)

In my day:

• 'grass' was mowed, (not true)
  
• 'coke' was a cold drink, (not true, listen to the lyrics of "Minnie the Moocher")
  
• 'pot' was something your mother cooked in , (not true)
  
• 'rock music' was your grandmother's lullaby, (not true)
  
• 'Aids' were helpers in the Principal's office, (true)
  
• 'chip' meant a piece of wood, (true)
  
• 'hardware' was found in a hardware store, (true)
  
• 'software' wasn't even a word. (true)

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. (every generation has known how babies are made and that marriage has nothing to do with it, or does Grandpa think the word "bastard" was coined after the pill?)

No wonder people call us 'old and confused' and say there is a generation gap ... and how old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old man in mind ... you are in for a shock!

Read on to see--pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.

Are you ready ?????

This man would be only 59 years old. Feeling old yet?

People born in 1950 include Jay Leno, Morgan Fairchild, Stevie Wonder, Gary larson, David Duke, Peter Frampton, Fran Lebowitz, Julius Erving, John Sayles, and my big sister.

This e-mail would have been mostly true twenty-five years ago, in 1984. Of course, in 1984, our friend wouldn't have had e-mail to send this geezer's rant to us. On the other hand, I could have a lot of fun rewriting this for my grandparents, who were all born in the 1880s.

A little perspective please

I really hate macho chest thumping and saber rattling, but just once I wouldn't mind a little display of military know-how to put this kind of nonsense in its place.

One day after it said it test-fired missiles capable of striking targets 1,250 miles from its soil, Iran said Tuesday that it would soon offer a timetable for international inspectors to visit a hitherto secret nuclear enrichment facility, but that it was not prepared to renounce its nuclear program or debate its "rights" to operate the previously undeclared plant.

Something like this is what I have in mind:

One day after each of them test-fired missiles capable of circling the earth three times and striking within seven feet of their intended targets, Britain, France, and the US said Tuesday that they would really like for international inspectors to visit Iran's hitherto secret nuclear enrichment facility.

I hate bullies, but sometimes a little bullying is just what they need to be convinced of the benefits of behaving themselves. Even we pacifist wienies get tired of listening to these tinhorn dictators try to blackmail the world.

PS - Yes, I know we aren't supposed to have orbital weapons, but Reagan broke that treaty a quarter century ago. I would be very surprised if the three of us and Russia did not have the ability and plans to snap an orbital missile together, using off the shelf parts, in no more than a couple days.

You call that patriotism?

Chuck Norris is calling on his fellow tea partiers to deface the American flag. I'm not kidding.

I suggest you fly some revolutionary flag in lieu of your 50-star flag over the next year. Post the 13-star Betsy Ross flag, Navy Jack or Gadsden flag ("Don't Tread on Me") or any representation that tells the story of Old Glory and makes a stand for our Founders' vision of America.

Of course, patriots know that the 50-star flag truly represents one nation under God and our Founders' republic, but modernists simply don't get it. So what do you say we make a statement by flying a different flag and educate our neighbors when they ask us, "Why are you flying that flag instead of the contemporary Stars and Stripes?" (If you insist on posting a modern USA flag, too, then get one that is tea-stained to show your solidarity with our Founders.)

Really? Stain the flag? I have a better idea Chuck, maybe you could show your dissatisfaction with the government by stomping on the flag or burning it.

I'm not an aging former martial arts star with a Townhall column, so maybe I'm not up to snuff on this, but, when I was in the Cub Scouts, they taught us that soiling the flag was a definite no-no. It's this kind of suggestion that usually drives conservatives to write, call and shout at their congressional representatives to pass laws and constitutional amendments criminalizing flag desecration. For the record, I oppose such laws because I see them as the thin end of the wedge that leads to complete abandonment of the First Amendment. However, i do expect people who claim to respect the flag to actually - you know - respect the flag. This kind of suggestion seem to me to be of a part with those who want to demonstrate their patriotism by seceding and dismantling the Union.

Beyond the forehead smacking idiocy of his suggestion, Norris' column and the comments that follow offer an insightful glimpse into what my friend David Neiwert calls the eliminationist mindset. Norris sets up the us-or-them framework. Naturally, he calls his side the "patriots." What's surprising is what he calls his side's perceived enemies (that's us, dear readers); he calls us "modernists." While conservatism is anti-modern at its core, it's rare to see such an open admission from anyone, except the most extreme fundamentalist, that they are in revolt against the modernity. They usually claim that they are opposed to certain cultural aspects of modernity, not the whole shebang. More ominously, he says of the teabagger movement "we are seeking to protect our nation against enemies of our republic from within (his italics).

Norris' fans take up his Manichean frame and run straight towards the eliminationist goal zone. Cliff in comment #134 says of us, "this group is anti-American. They are traitors in our midst." Linda at #141 confesses, "This is the first time I have ever felt that we are truly being betrayed by our President and that instead of wanting to defend and protect this country, he is trying to bring it down and destroy it. His actions have not been that of an American, but that of a Benedict Arnold." vamtns41 at #15 echoes Norris' language: "Our enemies within (Statist, progressives, far left liberals, Marxist, communist, etc.) are clearly working hard and often successfully at destroying our great country." Jocey at #40 moves them closer to eliminationism: "We really ought to charge with treason those representatives who wantenly (sic) trample the Constitution." What is it that you do with traitors? Herbert at #11 answers the question: "[O]bama should be tried for treason,and put on death row."

This is what passes for patriotism on the far right these days--desecrate the flag and kill the president. These people are dangerous nuts who should be shunned by anyone that we have entrusted with authority or power. Yet one side of our two party system has chosen to pander to the nuts, embrace, and encourage them. It's enough to make the sober want to drink and the drinkers want to give it up.

Update: Looks like Steve Benen at The Washington Monthly beat me to this.

I'm rarely able to understand Norris' perspective, but this seems especially bizarre. Americans who claim to be patriotic should stop flying the American flag? If patriots insist on using the stars and stripes, Norris wants them to pour tea on the flag until it's deliberately stained?

Norris added that doing this would "make our Founders proud." I have no idea what this means.

Obama weather

For the last decade or so, far right preachers like Pat Robertson and the late Jerry Falwell regularly made headlines by interpreting every disaster as God's wrath on America for immorality, or tolerating immorality, or just plain toleration. Natural disasters and especially hurricanes are a favorite of theirs. Hurricane Katrina was a divine judgment against Mardi Gras festivities. Any hurricane that hits Florida is His punishment for a gay pride parade in Ft. Lauderdale or Disney giving benefits to same sex partners of employees at Orlando. So, what are we to make of the fact that, since Obama was inaugurated, we've had an unusually mild hurricane season? I'm not drawing any conclusions; I'm just asking.

Attention Seattle

I'm sure that most of your cars came equipped with that newfangled directional signal option. Now would be a good time to learn how to use it.

PS - Anchorage, I expect you to fix those broken taillights before winter.

Unclear on the concept

At the ultra-conservative Values Voter Summit tonight, Bill O'Reilly is scheduled to be awarded the Family research Council's "Media Courage Award." That session will be closed to the media.

The wrong way to do it

John Amato has this screen shot up at Crooks and Liars with the comment "What more needs to be said?" Quite a bit.


This is a terrible graphic. When I was a history teaching assistant in grad school, one of the most important things I learned in our short teaching orientation, was an observation on how people assimilate information. In its simplest form, there are two types of learners, verbal and visual. at one end of the spectrum are students absorb information entirely in verbal form, either from reading or lectures. At the other end are those who need visual cues, for whom a picture literally worth a thousand words (actual mileage may vary). I'm in that group. I want my history books to have charts and graphs and, especially, maps and lots of them. I can get more out of a well designed map -- and get it a lot faster -- than I get out of a dozen pages of text. I'm a very tough critic of just what constitutes a well designed map. Most of the newer textbooks I perused had sucky maps. Bach at the verbal end of the spectrum, are those people who can't read a map at all. In teaching history, the lesson was explain everything twice, once in words and once in images. In other fields, I believe, the divide is between abstract theory and hands on experimenting.

I didn't hear this Andrea Mitchell Report, so I don't know if her verbal presentation was any good. I do know, however, that this graphic is a disaster at conveying information. Two bars of the same size and color look, well, the same. Without listening carefully or reading closely -- both verbal assimilations of information -- a visually oriented person comes away with the impression that US doctors are evenly divided on the public option, when those favoring it outnumber those opposed by a ratio of better than two to one. For the graphic to communicate the message accurately to visually oriented consumers of news, the graphic needs to look something like this:


In a superb graphic, the two bars would also be in different colors, say red for opposed and green for supporting. To take into consideration certain types of color blindness, they would be in shades of those colors, say dark for supporting and light for opposing. The greater weight of the dark color would reinforce the message that there are more people on that side of the divide.

I'm, no doubt, giving them too much credit for having thought this through, but this presentation looks like the visual counterpart to the "he said, she said" false equivalency that dominates the verbal news media. It's no longer enough to present everything else as mere opinion in which both sides are equally as valid and if there aren't to valid sides to the issue to promote the radical fringe into validity. Now they need to represent issues where there are measurable quantitative differences as being somehow equal.

Television is a visual medium. They should be able get this aspect of their reporting right. It's the minimum requirement of their jobs, not an extra credit assignment. Andrea Mitchell should fire her art director and someone who gets this or, even better, have her art director contract me as a consultant and send me buckets of money. They can get me at bargain rates if they offer a good healthcare package.

Irony has no meaning

Teabaggers complaining about the quality of public transit on their way to protest government spending. It's not the Onion, it's the Wall Street Journal.

Rep. Kevin Brady (R-TX) asked for an explanation of why the government-run subway system didn’t, in his view, adequately prepare for this past weekend’s rally to protest government spending and government services. ... "These individuals came all the way from Southeast Texas to protest the excessive spending and growing government intrusion by the 111th Congress and the new Obama administration," Brady wrote. "These participants, whose tax dollars were used to create and maintain this public transit system, were frustrated and disappointed that our nation’s capital did not make a great effort to simply provide a basic level of transit for them." "People couldn’t get on, missed start of march. I will demand answers from Metro," he wrote on Twitter.

Worst of all, somee people had to resort to private enterprise to get to their anti-government rally.

Brady says in his letter to Metro that overcrowding forced an 80-year-old woman and elderly veterans in wheelchairs to pay for cabs. He concludes that it “appears that Metro added no additional capacity to its regular weekend schedule.”

This a classic case of "when I use the government, it's providing neccessary services; when you use the government, it's wasteful spending by the nanny state." You know that these teabaggers would -- to a person -- vote against a mass transit levy in their home towns.

Update: Yep. Brady's as big of a weinie as we suspected:

Brady voted against Federal funding for the very same Metro he’s blaming for offering the tea partiers substandard service.

[...]

But earlier this year, Brady voted against the stimulus package. It provided millions upon millions of dollars for all manner of improvements to … the D.C. Metro.

Social networking so far

I've been on Facebook for a couple of weeks now and have located four old high school friends, started a family tree for my niece, taken a bunch of badly written quiz/polls, and probably given away more information about myself than is wise. Yep, it's just as big of a time suck as it was advertised to be.