Original intent
I applaud the profound wisdom of our founding fathers for putting election day right after Halloween so the stores would have plenty of discounted chocolate just when we need it most.

Spoken like a true alchoholic
Paul Waldman at Gadflyer found this set quotes. I'm sure with a little Googling we can all find our own hilarious sets.

I was not elected to serve one party, but to serve one nation. The President of the United States is the President of every single American, of every race and every background. Whether you voted for me or not, I will do my best to serve your interests and I will work to earn your respect.
- George W. Bush, December 14, 2000

So today I want to speak to every person who voted for my opponent: To make this nation stronger and better I will need your support, and I will work to earn it. I will do all I can do to deserve your trust.
- George W. Bush, November 3, 2004

Aww, come on baby. You gotta believe me. I really mean it this time.

Do not trust the drunk on the porch promising that this is the last time for his bad behavior. He'll say all those pretty words that make us so weak: unity, tolerance, bipartisan spirit, compassion, respect for others, fair play. He'll say anything to get in, but we know, as soon we turn our back, he'll be back to his old triumphalist and unilateralist tricks.

Deadbolt the door. Turn off the porch light. Turn on the radio and turn it up till we can't hear his pretty words. Tomorrow we're calling the locksmith and starting a new life.

The stages of election loss
The late Elisabeth Kubler-Ross gave a generation of essayists a great tool when she described her morphology of loss as a convenient list in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. For the last thirty-five years, stages of loss have been parodied, expanded, and applied in the most improbable ways. For our side and this election, I think the emerging pattern looks something like this:

• Denial
  
• Anger
  
• Depression
  
• Hangover
  
• Stiff upper lip
  
• More anger
  
• Crying
  
• Comfort food
  
• Pretending to ignore it
  
• Fear
  
• Still more anger
  
• The depths of despair
  
• Another hangover
  
• Apathy
  
• Yet more anger
  
• Bitter resolve

There will be no acceptance phase for this loss.

I've reached the comfort food stage. Fortuanately, we have lots of Halloween candy here at work. Over the next few days, I'll be blogging my way through fear, anger, and despair hoping to reach bitter resolve before I get fired for biting a co-worker (I don't have anyone in mind; I just need to bite some one). This might make the tone of archy a little schitzoid at times. You have been warned.

All the news I need
I think this week I'll get all my news from The Onion.

God Puts His Tool Back Into Office

Kerry Takes Frustration Out On Lobster

America Comes Out Agin The Gay Marryin'

Bush Does Victory Lap Around World Trade Center Site

MoveOn CurlsUp InCorner

Poll: Youth Totally Meant To Vote In Record Numbers

Despite Republican Victory, Bush Supporter Has Tiny, Tiny Penis

U.S. Inspires World With Attempt At Democratic Election

Next week (technically, at brunch on Sunday), when the battle begins anew, I'll start reading other news. Until then, this all I can handle.

No escape
I would rather have stayed home and sulked with my wife and cats, but I had to go to a meeting tonight. So I got dressed and went. Afterwards, I couldn't find the car. I had parked next to a fire hydrant hidden in the bushes and managed to get myself towed. Wandering around in the cold and the dark and paying 200 dollars to ransom back the car was not what my mood needed. I hate Bushes today.

It's over; it's just started
The people have spoken -- the bastards!

Kerry has conceded. No need to apply a link to this; where isn't it posted?

There are too many questions to ask and not enough time to ask them.

We can't waste time debating minor tactical niggles or spilling our own blood. Kerry ran a good campaign with no more mistakes than are to be expected in an operation that large. He was a very good candidate who deserves our respect and thanks. He's going to be one of our primary senate warriors in the coming battles.

We can't waste time despairing over the size of the enemy or obsessing on the wrong enemy. The Bush campaign wasn't that good. Karl Rove isn't that smart. But the larger conservative information machine apparently is that good.

We can't waste time demonizing the American people. It won't help; you don't win elections by telling the voters that they are stupid and evil. Something is very clearly wrong with the American people, but it is not yet a terminal illness. We must must work, with a proper sense of urgency to diagnose that illness and heal the country we love.

We can't run away. As tempting as it is to view the most important question of the moment as "Vancouver or Dublin?" face it, if America continues to go bad, there will be no safe places on the planet. We have no choice but to fight to restore what was best about the America we once knew. We have to fight to keep that America from fading away.

I'm too angry to think right now. I need to get past the blinding white flame of fury and into the cold revealing light of dispassionate analysis. I don't think I'll get there today, but I'll be there soon and I'll share what I find.

Meanwhile, go read Meteor Blade's good advice at Kos:

Why were we in this fight in the first place? Because terrible leaders are doing terrible things to our country and calling this wonderful. Because radical reactionaries are trying to impose their imperialist schemes on whoever they wish and calling this just. Because amoral oligarchs are determined to enhance their slice of the economic pie and calling this the natural order. Because flag-wrapped ideologues want to chop up civil liberties and call this security. Because myopians are in charge of America’s future.

We lost on 11/2. Came in second place in a crucial battle whose damage may still be felt decades from now. The despicable record of our foes makes our defeat good reason for disappointment and fear. Even without a mandate over the past four years, they have behaved ruthlessly at home and abroad, failing to listen to objections even from members of their own party. With the mandate of a 3.6-million vote margin, one can only imagine how far their arrogance will take them in their efforts to dismantle 70 years of social legislation and 50+ years of diplomacy.

[...]

After a decent interval of licking our wounds and pondering what might have been and where we went wrong, we need to spit out our despair and return – united - to battling those who have for the moment outmaneuvered us. Otherwise, we might just as well lie down in the street and let them flatten us with their schemes.

Oh, crap
Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.

This is not good.

First impressions
As soon as the first alarm My wife and I arrived at the polling place just as the doors opened. It was pouring raing and there were about sixty people waiting to vote. Ours is a strongly Democratic district, but I brought my camera, just in case. I didn't need it. Everything was nice and orderly. Later as we drove to work we waved at the brave souls on overpasses and busy intersections waving signs for their candidates. A lone Department of Transportation truck crept along the side of the highway plucking illegal signs from the shoulder. It looks pretty good.

Short story
This weekend, as we were driving out to visit Mom, I saw a bumper sticker on a Prius. It read "I vote for the Kids." "What a nice idea," I thought. "How enpowering that must be for the kids. But won't the driver be disappointed when she finds out kids can't hold office?" And then she drove away and I never saw her again.

Some advice
I'm voting on election day. My state allows early voting, but I like election days so I'm going in tomorrow. Here are some tips on how to make the best of election day.

• Protect your rights. Bring your voter registration card. Bring a picture ID; a driver's license, state ID, or US Passport is best. Bring something that will confirm your address; a utility bill with an address that confirms your registration is best.
  
  
• Help others vote. If you drive, volunteer to give others a ride. Volunteer to cover your co-workers so they can leave early or come in late. If you plan to take the day off, go to a senior center or campaign headquarters and offer to give rides. Be an information center. Debunk the rumors about who can and cannot vote.
  
  
• Improve the atmosphere. No matter how long the lines are, don't bitch. Smile. Make jokes. Talk to the other people in line. Be sure to thank the poll workers and treat them like human beings, especially if it's miserable experience. In my neighborhood they usually have a table of cookies and coffee. I'm planning to bring a bag of cookies to contribute.
  
  
• Don't let the bastards get away with anything. Bring a camera. If you see poll challengers, take their pictures. Demand to see their ID. Take notes. If you see fake protestors of the "Communists for Kerry" sort, take their pictures. Even if there is no film or memory in the camera, pop the flash in their face. Most dirty tricksters want to remain anonymous. Don't start a fight. Don't give them any ammunition to use against us. Just let them know we're watching.

Have fun.