Paul Waldman at Gadflyer found this set quotes. I'm sure with a little Googling we can all find our own hilarious sets.
I was not elected to serve one party, but to serve one nation. The President of the United States is the President of every single American, of every race and every background. Whether you voted for me or not, I will do my best to serve your interests and I will work to earn your respect.
- George W. Bush, December 14, 2000
So today I want to speak to every person who voted for my opponent: To make this nation stronger and better I will need your support, and I will work to earn it. I will do all I can do to deserve your trust.
- George W. Bush, November 3, 2004
Aww, come on baby. You gotta believe me. I really mean it this time.
Do not trust the drunk on the porch promising that this is the last time for his bad behavior. He'll say all those pretty words that make us so weak: unity, tolerance, bipartisan spirit, compassion, respect for others, fair play. He'll say anything to get in, but we know, as soon we turn our back, he'll be back to his old triumphalist and unilateralist tricks.
Deadbolt the door. Turn off the porch light. Turn on the radio and turn it up till we can't hear his pretty words. Tomorrow we're calling the locksmith and starting a new life.