World ends Thursday

According to the House of Yahweh in Abiline, TX, the world will be destroyed in a nuclear holocaust on Thursday and only members of their church will survive. To join the church, you have to change your last name to Hawkins and live in the church compound. Ed Brayton points out that it is a bad idea to join any church that meets in a compound. That sounds like a good policy to me. Just to be on the safe side, cancel your plans for the weekend and have a barbeque tonight. Everyone is excused from their diet for one day only.