The text, in case you can't read it, says:
Republican Senate hopeful Montgomery Burns today joined with Mayor Joe Quimby, D-Springfield, to support the Senate’s gazillion-dollar SCHIP bill.
"If the poor children can get a piece of the action, why can’t I?" explained Burns at a MoveOn.org rally in Capital City. "The little darlings are needy? Me, too. I need somebody to pay. Quimby here says he knows a bunch of low-income nobodies who are ripe for the picking. Excellent."
"You need this?" wondered the mayor. "Well, why not. I’ve got needs, too. Why, I’ve got 27 paternity suits pending and to quote the Speaker, 'suffer the little children.' The Quimby Compound is overflowing with those little sufferers. Vote Quimby."
Inexplicably, the mayor then leaned toward a comely MoveOn organizer and whispered in her ear, "Ah, if anyone asks, you’re my niece from out of town and you don’t get SCHIP."
“But Uncle Joe, I am your niece from out of town, and I do get SCHIP."
"Good Lord, I’m a monster!" exclaimed the mayor.
Mr. Burns shrugged and pressed on with a stirring call to arms: "Truth and fairness, these are the demons we must slay if we wish to save the tykes."
His patience was tested when a ruckus arose from a restive crowd of backdrop-toddlers who’d been rented by MoveOn for the photo-op. "Get these props away from me," Burns hissed.
"Kids? Who needs ‘em? Rahm, release the hounds!" added Quimby with a spreading grin. "Ha, I’ve always wanted to say that, Burns."
The 37 rental children fled and were not seen again, but the arf-arf-arfing of their pursuers could be heard well past sunset.
I'm sure some college aged staffer thinks he (I would be very surprised if it was a she) was very clever coming up with this. It was actually sent out as a press release as well as being posted on the committee's website. I have often said that conservative humor is no laughing matter. This is one more data point to prove that. Besides not being funny, it makes no sense.
How many things are wrong with this?
- Did the Republican staffer who wrote this really think claiming Mr. Burns as a Republican candidate would reflect well on their party?
- Did they think that just because The Simpsons runs on a Fox channel that they could appropriate Groening's trademarked and copyrighted characters for the Republican cause?
- Why did the Republicans of the House Energy and Commerce Committee feel they needed to weigh in on this issue anyway?
- Is this press release supposed to speak for the four Republican members of that committee who voted for the S-CHIP amendment--Fred Upton (MI), Heather Wilson (NM), Mary Bono (CA), and Tim Murphy (PA)?
- Do the staffers start drinking early on Fridays after their bosses leave for the weekend