Saturday, June 02, 2007

I don't make a very good guy

Of course, I've known that since the last time I was a bachelor.

Clever Wife is away for the weekend leaving the house all to me. Having the house all to myself means two important decision need to be made: what will I eat and what will I watch? Having the house all to myself means not sharing. It means I get to eat things that we normally wouldn't eat together and it means I get to watch movie genres she doesn't like.

The movie question is a little harder than you might think. Clever Wife likes science fiction, buddy movies, and shoot 'em ups, and I don't like goofy summer comedies. That eliminates most guy genres. Fortunately, she doesn't like historical or war movies and I do. Tonight, I watch The Great Escape for the umteenth time. Tomorrow, I'll either go for Buster Keaton's The General or something new.

The real agonizing decision is over food. Do I do the traditional guy thing and pig out on starchy, cheesy convenience and take out foods? As the cook in the family, do I take advantage of having only myself to offend by experimenting on some new cuisines? Do I decide the question is too hard to answer and just eat Frosted Blueberry Poptarts all weekend? I did buy a box of Poptarts just to be on the safe side.

Last night I decided to start with a traditional bachelor night and have beer and frozen pizza. I could save munching on experimental dishes for tonight, while watching the world's coolest guy, Steve McQueen, ride around on a stolen German motorcycle. And yet, I couldn't quite do it; I ended up scratch making the pizza. My excuse was that I forgot to review Badtux's taste testing of frozen pizzas and couldn't properly make a decision without all of the pertinent scientific data. But deep in my heart I knew that real guys pick frozen pizza according to the price and not according to research. I am so lame.

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