Let's all feel sorry for Glenn beck

On today's edition of Premiere Radio Networks' The Glenn Beck Program, the eponymous host went on an extended whine about how rough his life is.

I mean, I was talking about it with my family yesterday. I said, "I'm tired of being the least popular person in the world." I said look at our family. We're Americans. Nobody likes Americans. We're Americans, so the world hates us. But then inside of America, we love America -- and that's becoming more and more unpopular. So, we're not popular with Americans.

[...]

The majority of humans don't like whites. I mean, I just can't win. You can't win. And why is it? Because if you are a white human that loves America and happens to be a Christian, forget about it, Jack. You are the only one that doesn't have a political action committee for you.

By you "can't win" he means he gets to have his own daily, nationally broadcast radio show (The Glenn Beck Program); his own daily, nationally broadcast television show (CNN's Glenn Beck); and he gets to appear on another daily, nationally broadcast television show (ABC's Good Morning America and he gets paid by all three to spew his hateful opinions to an audience of millions. The poor sap just can't catch a break. It brings a tear to my eye.

All the poor boy wants is to have a political action committee for white, Christian Americans and, as we all know, that is against the law in America. That's why Jerry Falwell was never allowed to have a political action committee, which he might have called the Moral Majority. That's why James Dobson was never allowed to have a political action committee, which he might have called the Family Research Council. That's why Pat Robertson was never allowed to have a political action committee, which he might have called the Christian Coalition. That's why Phyllis Schlafly was never allowed to have a political action committee, which she might have called the Eagle Forum. Poor white, Christian Americans just can't win. It must be rough being such a tiny, trod upon minority.

Just for the record, Beck forgot to mention that he's a rich, heterosexual, male and nobody likes them either. Maybe that will be the subject of tomorrow's self-indulgent whine.