archy

An open letter to Keith Olbermann
Dear Keith:

I can call you Keith, can't I? It might be presumptuous, but I've watched you for so long that I feel like we're old friends. I suppose having strangers feel that they are entitled to be on a first name basis with you is one of the minor drawbacks to fame.

So, Keith, I wanted to talk to you about Bill O'Reilly. I see that you named O'Reilly the Worst Person in the World last night, again. How many times does that make so far this year? When we add in all the times that he was merely Worse or Worser, would it be easier to count the number of times that he wasn't on your list?

I think your relentless focus on the inanities of Bill O'Reilly is getting to be a tad unfair. The world is full of bad people. How do you think they feel? They get up each morning and do their worst, only to find that, at the end of the day, Bill O'Reilly has nudged them off your list again. Don't they deserve a chance to get their fifteen minutes of infamy?

Here's what I propose: establish a Worst Person in the World Hall of Infamy. Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter, and Pat Robertson can be the initial inductees. White House press secretaries are entitled to automatic inclusion. This would give other bad people their own shot at the daily title.

If maintaining a Hall of Infamy sounds like too much work, maybe you could just rename your daily awards. Instead of the Worse, Worser, and Worst Persons in the World they could be the proud winners of the Pat, Ann, and Bill awards (awards are always on a first name basis).

You don't need to retire the fearsome threesome right away, but promise to think about it—in the name of fairness.

I remain, because I have no other choice,

John J. McKay